Today many of my friends returned to classes at University of Mary Washington, leaving me feeling life I'm missing out on the best part of my life (which I probably am). Sure, I might not miss research papers and exams. But it's very weird not seeing the UMW student body and being on campus. Or in Fredericksburg for that matter.
I love Fredericksburg. It feels like home, even if I moved four months ago. I love the blend of quiet downtown and shopping in Central Park. I miss the perfect equi-distance between Richmond and DC. Mostly, I just really miss my spots in FredVegas (the twenty-something's favorite term of endearment).
Blackstone Coffee
Could I be any more open about my love for Blackstone?? This independently owned coffee shop has enough caffeine creations to rival Starbucks, minus the corporate feel. Local art is displayed over the tables, they have music nights throughout each month, and their monthly theme specials are A.Maz.Ing. Especially the How I Met Your Mother drinks for the month of August!
BlarneyStone
FredVegas has no shortage of bars, but BlarneyStone will always be my favorite. Located on downtown's Irish Block (not really, but there's an Irish shop and J. Brian's pub so kind of), BlarneyStone is everything you want for an evening of craic (aka Irish fun). My favorite is the Snakebite (half cider, half Guinness) but also try the Irish Car Bomb and Shane's Golden Irish. BlarneyStone also has a nice display of Philadelphia Eagles' swag behind the bar, which makes it my necessary retreat away from Redskins and Cowboys overload.
Ladyburg
Ladyburg is the best spot to shop because I spend so much money but because the products are natural and necessary it's almost guilt-free. Ladyburg sells a variety of soaps, body scrubs, lotions and more in more scents than you can keep track of. And if they don't have the scent you want, use the blending bar! Girls, you will spend all your money, I'm warning you. Guys, take note.
Hyperion Espresso
If you need a change from Blackstone or want coffee downtown, Hyperion is the place to go. It has a hipster atmosphere which makes it an ideal place for study dates and people watching. Their monthly specials are a little more specific to how many drinks you want to try with the flavor of the month (Peppermint? Blueberry? Lavender?) but I love trying out the unique results. If you want to know how great Hyperion is, my roommate and I used to walk the mile from our apartment each snow day for mochas.
University of Mary Washington
Yeah, we were eventually going to end up here. If you're a Mary Wash student, alum or faculty member you understand. Mary Washington is possibly (no, definitely) the most beautiful campus I've ever seen. We have brick buildings with columns in a gorgeous park-like layout. Whether you're a student or not walking through the campus is always worth it. Plus, for you soon to be freshmen, we have some incredible majors, a great student body and the nicest professors you will ever meet. Go Eagles!!!
Tell me your favorite place in Fredericksburg or your hometown in the comments!
It's mid August, and I keep thinking I need to buy my textbooks and move back on campus for another year at uni. Instead, I'm sending out countless resumes and and updating my LinkedIn on almost a daily basis.
I knew before graduating that the transition from college to adulting in the real world would be an adjustment, but I had no idea how hard it really would be. Of course, I was planning on letting grad school provide that middle link between the two. Now I feel lost between the security of college and the unknown of a career.
I know that hundreds of students from my Class of 2015 at UMW (multiplied by hundreds of schools across the country) are dealing with the same struggle. But it doesn't feel universal. Most of the time I feel like I'm on my own and somehow all other '15 graduates have figured it out by now.
Being jobless (full time, anyway) and living at home with three younger siblings and two loud dogs has made me question if I even want to stay within a career based in my hometown. Wanderlust has always had a huge impact on my life and right now I feel like I'm getting a lot of messages, some indirect, some through my newsfeed on Facebook to break out of my comfort zone and travel the world:
"You should walk the Camino with me."
"Who wants to go hike volcanoes with me in December?"
"Let's go to Geneva."
As you may recall I'm not an adventurer, but more than ever I have the urge to experience life from a new perspective other than job hunting-recent-graduate. There's only one small problem: my bank account. And it's way smaller than I'd like.
I know people who won't let their bank account stop them from traveling to London, Guatemala and all other far corners of the world, and I wish I could be like them. For me, it's like for every reason I want to travel I have ten reasons I shouldn't. The possibility that I might get a job. Making the long-distance relationship with my boyfriend even farther. Being away from any security I know. The possibility of being alone.
This photo was taken in Rio de Janerio, my first big experience in traveling the world.
It's not like I haven't taken chances before. I traveled to South America for a mission trip knowing only two people in my group. I traveled from Staunton to NYC with my brother to see U2 not even completely certain that our tickets would be there. I majored in a degree which many people, including my mom, told me I'd never find a job in. Each of these was a big risk. But somehow it wasn't enough to quell my fear of the unknown.
I'm scared of taking chances, and I know the only way for me to experience something great is by taking that initial step forward. Whether it's for my dream job or my dream lifestyle. Finding your dream means breaking away from all the concerns holding you back and finding the confidence to look at each day and say "I might not know what I'm doing, but I know where I want to go."
The list doesn't exaggerate; writers are a weird lot. We feel things deeply, take inspiration from everything around us and write about it, and coffee is our life fluid. Being a writer I don't see these as negatives, but I also recognize the many cons to being a writer.
So here's my list of 10 Essential Warnings to Being in a Relationship/Friendship/Family with a Writer:
1) We're the most distracted people you'll ever meet.
The only reason I'm getting this blog written now is because my boyfriend conned me into doing it and is currently tormenting me with pictures of cupcakes. Writers put things off because they are distracted by everything. This means deadlines are a necessary torture we have to adhere to because we'd never get anything done. Distraction doesn't apply just to writing either. Writers will come up with the most brilliant plot twist in the middle of a very serious conversation about life decisions, which will no doubt infuriate the other person. It's not that we're not listening to you; it's just that there are a million thoughts going through our heads at any given moment.
2) We can flip between emotions unpredictably.
Sometimes we need space. Quite often, actually. But just as often we can't stand to be alone. There will be times when we demand silence because we can't hear ourselves think, and times when we blast the Lord of the Rings soundtrack on repeat because it puts us in the mood to write. I swear, we're not crazy (well, not that much...).
3) Sometimes we don't want to write.
You know those characters who can't put their pen down at any given moment and produce pages of beautiful writing like it's no problem? We hate them with a vengeance because there is no way we can do that. Sure, there are times when we stay up all night writing what seems to us to be an amazing storyline. But we go through days, sometimes longer, when we'd rather do anything but write. It takes all the energy out of us and we just need a break.
4) We can become depressed for no apparent reason.
Maybe it's because no one is responding to the piece we sent out to lit journals a month ago. Maybe we're stuck in a writing rut. Maybe it's because we've read a book so beautiful that we think we can't possibly reach that level of perfection. A lot of things can cause us to doubt our ability as writers and it can send us into a low point that seems impossible to break. (This, however, isn't okay. DO NOT let your writer sulk in an unending depression. See point 10)
5) We revel in and dream the impossible.
This is perhaps why so many writers love fantasy - we love the thought of dragons, quests and surviving in post-apocalyptic civilizations. This doesn't mean that all writers want to write fantasy, but each of us does have an impossible dream we want desperately to achieve. This can stem from traveling the world to owning a polar bear. Encourage all "impossible" goals your writer dreams of, but do emphasize the dangers of possessing a polar bear.
6) Our creativity isn't limited to writing.
Or at least we want to believe that. Writers will expand their creativity to dance, painting, sketching, music, photography, etc. This doesn't mean it's going to be good. But it's a great way to take a break from writing and allow our ideas to flow through a different outlet.
7) We won't always write about you.
If you don't turn up in our novel, it's not that we don't care. If anything it's because we care too much about you. It's easy to write about the people and the situations which have hurt us, but when it comes to writing about the people we care about, we are much more cautious. Writers tend to express their emotions through writing, and we don't want to hurt those we care about through our writing. (That doesn't mean that you don't inspire our writing though; it may not be in entire scene form, but bits of conversation and scenarios will come up a lot.)
8) We need a change of pace.
Sure, routine is great, but writers can easily find it restrictive. Sometimes doing the same thing everyday, day after day, can drive us insane and cause writer's block and other ugly things. We love doing spontaneous things to break up routine, from day trips and nights out to a trip to our favorite coffee shop (or the new one on the block if our favorite is part of the daily routine). We love the people who are willing to join us on our crazy adventures, and we'll love you even more if you plan the spontaneous trips with us.
9) We love constructive criticism.
Note: this does not mean tell us everything we write is terrible or judge us for what we write; there's nothing constructive in that. But we realize that not everything we write is publishable and we don't expect you to think it's perfect. That's not to say we don't appreciate hearing our work is good, but when you give a suggestion for a scene to flow better or ask for clarification it shows us that you actually read our work and cared about it enough to offer suggestions to make it better.
10) We need lots of support and encouragement.
Writers love deeply and are fiercely supportive of the people they love. But we also need a lot of encouragement. It's so easy for us to become really hard on ourselves, and just knowing that someone is at side is sometimes the only thing that keeps us going. We're going to love you so much for that.
So...if you think you can handle all of the above, go ahead and date your writer! It'll be worth it, I promise.
I'm an immensely private person. It might not be apparent due to the number of posts I share on social media, but it's there. I treat Instagram, Twitter, all my media sites as a mask behind which I can hide the true me, the girl with the dark secrets and pain so internalized that even I can't express it.
I'm not going into a soul-bearing testimony because this is pretty much the worst place I could do it. But over the last couple years I've come to realize that I'm not the only person who is facing a struggle to keep their head up every day and I know it's not healthy to go it alone.
I honestly believe that each individual goes through their own period of feeling alone or otherwise rejected, misunderstood, etc. at some point in their lives. As an introvert, I feel that the struggle is more common, not because extroverts don't encounter these same struggles but because introverts tend to keep more to themselves. Although this quality makes for many positive traits and decisions, holding in feelings of insecurities or pain only increases the negative effect on the individual.
Several of my insecurities date back to elementary school, but my internal struggle really began shortly before college. High school is a tough time anyway; I was unsure of which friends I could truly count on, was going through my first major heartache and was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my future. Because of personal issues within my family, I felt even more uncomfortable opening up to my parents about what I was going through. So instead of talking to anyone, I kept all the pain unsaid and unshared.
Living at college provided a huge boost of confidence for me, overall. I met new people, some who shared my views, others who didn't, but most of whom were open-minded and responsive to the opinions of others. It was during university that I developed more confidence in my writing, which compelled me to reveal some of the issues I was going through under the label of "Fictional Prose." Of course nothing is perfect and I still encountered people who ended up hurting me deeply. But for every such encounter I had at least one amazingly supportive friend to which I could pour out my stress. I explored different avenues for stress relief (most of them physical activity) such as dance, zumba and kickboxing, as well as more spiritually in-tune activities like adoration.
After graduating this past spring, I had to leave many of these anxiety-crushers behind me and return to the environment where many of these insecurities began. At least now I'm better prepared to face these struggles again. I have four years of confidence-building experience behind me, as well as an amazing boyfriend and many great girlfriends who I know have got my back. But coming back was more difficult than I anticipated, especially coming face to face with my old nemesis, the fear of rejection.
I guess for me personally it's a sense of pride. I want people to see me as a strong woman who has her life together, her goals set, and sure, the road may be rocky but doesn't everyone go through that from time to time? I feel that if the people closest to me see me at my low points: weak, frightened of what might go wrong in the future, unable to obtain my ambitions, they'll reject me without even meaning to. In high school I closed myself off, ignored the fact that the problems were becoming deeper and hid behind a mask called Positivity.
Entering into a relationship with the best guy I know really forced me to open up, which isn't easy at all. With my girlfriends it wasn't too hard. Eventually it would come out over a chick flick night, we'd talk for hours and I knew I could count on them to be good listeners whenever I needed to pour it out. I've found it's different with a guy, especially with the one who can pick up on our best attempts at faking happiness. And once I open up to him, he's not going to let it go without finding a solution to the issue.
I was in the middle of texting my boyfriend the other night when I had a relapse with a particular struggle. Rather than telling him up front, I went through with my emotions and ended up doing some stupid stuff. I didn't want to worry him. But when I couldn't keep in afterward and told him what happened he wasn't upset that I had done something regrettable. He couldn't understand why I had kept it to myself when he was right there. "It's okay when you need alone time. I understand that," he told me. "But if it gets to that point you have to recognize that alone time is not what you need despite what you're feeling."
If there was anything good that came out of that relapse it was my boyfriend's response to it. He didn't interrogate me as to why I did or or get angry with me for my actions. I realized that there would never be a point when I would truly be alone. Whether it's my boyfriend, my mom (who I opened up to later that night) or my best friends, I have to ignore my tendency to keep it all within and open up to those who love me most.
The idea behind this blog isn't as much to reveal my own struggles as to show awareness that this is happening to thousands of men, women, young adults, teenagers everywhere. Maybe you're reading this and recognizing a similar grip on your life. Don't hold it in like I did for so long. If you know someone who's going through these issues reach out to them and help them realize they're not alone. I thought that the strength of the individual was the way to overcoming weakness, but really (sorry for the cliche, but it's true) it's the love of other people who aren't willing to let you struggle alone.
"You don't have to put up a fight; you don't have to always be right; let me take some of the punches for you
