Struggling in the Blank Space

It's mid August, and I keep thinking I need to buy my textbooks and move back on campus for another year at uni. Instead, I'm sending out countless resumes and and updating my LinkedIn on almost a daily basis.

I knew before graduating that the transition from college to adulting in the real world would be an adjustment, but I had no idea how hard it really would be. Of course, I was planning on letting grad school provide that middle link between the two. Now I feel lost between the security of college and the unknown of a career.

I know that hundreds of students from my Class of 2015 at UMW (multiplied by hundreds of schools across the country) are dealing with the same struggle. But it doesn't feel universal. Most of the time I feel like I'm on my own and somehow all other '15 graduates have figured it out by now.

Being jobless (full time, anyway) and living at home with three younger siblings and two loud dogs has made me question if I even want to stay within a career based in my hometown. Wanderlust has always had a huge impact on my life and right now I feel like I'm getting a lot of messages, some indirect, some through my newsfeed on Facebook to break out of my comfort zone and travel the world:

"You should walk the Camino with me."

"Who wants to go hike volcanoes with me in December?"

"Let's go to Geneva."

As you may recall I'm not an adventurer, but more than ever I have the urge to experience life from a new perspective other than job hunting-recent-graduate. There's only one small problem: my bank account. And it's way smaller than I'd like.

I know people who won't let their bank account stop them from traveling to London, Guatemala and all other far corners of the world, and I wish I could be like them. For me, it's like for every reason I want to travel I have ten reasons I shouldn't. The possibility that I might get a job. Making the long-distance relationship with my boyfriend even farther. Being away from any security I know. The possibility of being alone.

                                       This photo was taken in Rio de Janerio, my first big experience in traveling the world. 

It's not like I haven't taken chances before. I traveled to South America for a mission trip knowing only two people in my group. I traveled from Staunton to NYC with my brother to see U2 not even completely certain that our tickets would be there. I majored in a degree which many people, including my mom, told me I'd never find a job in. Each of these was a big risk. But somehow it wasn't enough to quell my fear of the unknown.

I'm scared of taking chances, and I know the only way for me to experience something great is by taking that initial step forward. Whether it's for my dream job or my dream lifestyle. Finding your dream means breaking away from all the concerns holding you back and finding the confidence to look at each day and say "I might not know what I'm doing, but I know where I want to go."